My body…

My body. Love it or hate it, I have to accept it. Well that’s what “they” say, but I don’t want to accept it the way it is currently. Today I weigh 87kgs, that’s already 1,7kg down from my last official weigh-in a week ago (and I’m due to get my period any day now). But I weighed 88kgs the day Tristan was born so, ya, need I say more? Before I fell pregnant I was doing Crossfit (and loving it), and weighed around 78kgs and I thought I was fat and overweight. It’s funny how we can look back and wish we were as fat as we were ‘then’ because in comparison to where I am now that was 10kgs lighter and right now I would give anything to be that thin again!

But, lest we remember that my body has carried a baby for 38 weeks and 2 days, went through a cesarean section (natural wasn’t even on my birthing radar), nursed that child for 6 months exclusively and it carried me through 14 months of postnatal depression. So yes, it’s done a hell of a lot in a little more than 2 years and I am eternally grateful for the amazing job it has done, but I don’t think I need to accept it like it is. Surely if I also accept it then I’m settling with where it is now when I’m so not happy about where it is now?

I know I need to be kinder to myself because I am trying to lose the weight, I gym (most of the time) 3 – 4 days a week, I try and eat well 80% of the time and I know the “abs are made in the kitchen” and “you can’t out gym a bad diet” but I am trying. However, I also don’t want to use that as a cop out! I can’t keep giving myself some slack because then I’ll permanently be slack! I need to be more conscientious all the time; having a treat, even if it’s just a cool drink, every day is not ok. I need to have smaller portions except when it comes to veg that’s steamed. I want to lose weight and be more confident in myself I really do so I’m not going to accept my body for the way it is. I’m going to acknowledge that it’s done amazing things and I’m grateful but I will only accept my body once I’ve lost weight and I feel comfortable in clothing again.

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