How to parent a threenager part 2
Jan 22, 2019
I really didn’t foresee myself writing another post about this topic; how to parent a threenager! This morning was probably one of the worst Tristan and I have had since the curse of the threenager hit us. I actually sat and filmed 3 video’s about it in my car after dropping him off at school but I was so emotional (I’m not a pretty crying person) I didn’t feel it fair to share that fugly face with the world! So here I sit writing about it instead!
To cut a long story short, basically in the space of 1,5 hours we fought over getting dressed, brushing teeth, washing face and going to school! Everything that needs to happen in order to get to school. We both cried for the majority of the time and I sobbed for another 15 – 20 minutes after dropping him off! It sucked and was horrible and I hated feeling like I was failing in every sense of the word.
This afternoon we bashed heads again over pretty much anything and everything, but I took a different approach (and it kinda seemed to work) so that’s why I thought I’d share it with you in case it helps you!
When Tristan got upset and angry over whatever it was I remained calm (thanks Nix of heartsandhiccups for that tip) and said to him that behaving like that wasn’t acceptable and to come for a cuddle when he’d done being nasty / throwing the item / crying over not getting his way, etc. He’d take himself off to the time out corner and have a further cry (usually a bit forced & fake) and then come for his cuddle. It really seemed to diffuse the situation much quicker than before.
One instance happened where he wanted to put up his new shelves straight away and it just wasn’t possible and he cried a lot over that. I literally just picked him up, removed him from the room and cuddled him and explained to him why we couldn’t do it now. He calmed right down really quickly and it was all over.
I think the key thing here is ME! Me remaining calm and not overreacting to his outbursts. I’m the adult and (in theory) have better control over my emotions (maybe not so much as I’m 20 weeks pregnant) and need to be the stable one. Like with many other things he does (play with his penis, pulling ugly faces, snatching) I ask him when he does it, if he sees me or daddy doing that thing and if the answer is no then he shouldn’t be doing that behaviour or action either. He seems to understand that so it’s basically the theory of ‘monkey see, monkey do’.
I know that this is a phase and that it too shall pass, but hell it’s testing my patience to another level. I don’t want to break his spirit and somehow we need to find our way through this together. Today this worked, who knows what tomorrow will bring?! Let me know below if you have any comments or feedback!
Much love xx